Rebecca Löwengrip

Tomorrow it's Christmas, and I must say I'm not really as happy as I should be. Thing is, I've celebrated with my family from my mother's side since I was born. Even after my mother died, I kept celabrating with them, I would be with them on Christmas eve. And then celebrate with my own father and my grandparents the day after, on Christmas day. Always them first. But something changed, I don't know why, but this year I'm doing neither. And I'm sad in a way, but I'm okay. No need to feel sorry for me.

What brings me tears is the fact that no one even called me to ask if I wanted to come on Christmas eve. And my relatives from the states are here over Christmas, and I didn't even know. When did this happen? When was it okay to exclude family members like this?  Okay, one of you tried to call, but I have no missed calls on my cell. Once doesn't even count. And other than that, silence. Like it's okay to gather your family around you, but you choose to exclude one person. Like it's okay to write on your status on facebook that "you're gathering the family, well in the best way you can", when you clearly haven't.  They say you can't choose you family, well apperently you can pick and choose which one's you want. Thank you for making me understand. And one of my friends told me a while ago (this isn't the first time) that I shouldn't be this surprised, I shouldn't take it so hard. And she's right.

I have a new family that I'm extreamly thankful for, my foster parents and their family. I belong with them, I feel like I fit in with them. They're worth more than anything to me, I wouldn't replace them for anything. And the best thing is, they took me in. I am family. No doubt, no questions asked. And I thank God for them EVERY NIGHT in my prayers. I love them so much I can't even describe it. I can actually cry because I'm so thankful that I have them. Yeah, I've lost both of my parents. But my life isn't lost. I have a beautiful life of which I'm thankful for every day. I have my family and my friends I have my grandparents (they're not my real one's either), and I had two beautiful parents who gave me this life. I miss you every day, but I thank you for being such wonderful parents and showing me how beautiful life is.

I am thankful.